He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
