i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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