I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
