From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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