I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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