We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
