This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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