Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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