He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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