everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
