im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
