Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
