So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your dad touched me again.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
