I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
