thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
where am i from again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
