Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
