worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
