If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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