ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
