tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's blow job season.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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