How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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