They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
