Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
