who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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