The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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