is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
