He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
