wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I enjoy the company of your penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
