My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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