Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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