So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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