I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
