I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
