I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
