; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
