Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
