Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what day is it and did you see me today?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
