when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
