On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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