Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
