its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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