This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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