I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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