Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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