Well apparently he's into motor boating.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
