I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
