In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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