This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
