I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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