Where did you get a picture of my penis
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
